Improv Parenting: Embracing Playfulness and Presence
In the world of parenting, where every day can feel like a high-stakes performance, Benjamin Lloyd offers a refreshing perspective: treat it like improv. Ben, who runs bxlloyd consulting, uses the power of play and applied improvisation to support extraordinary teams, groups, and communities. But his insights are just as valuable for parents, caregivers, and educators looking to connect with kids on a deeper level.
The Art of Equal Interaction
One of Ben's core principles is treating children as equals. "I don't assume that they're not equal to me in any way," he says. This approach fosters genuine curiosity and authentic connections. Kids can sense when adults are being insincere, and Ben believes that speaking to them as equals can lead to more meaningful interactions. He recalls his own childhood, recognizing the insincerity in adults' tones and feeling disconnected because of it.
Context is Key
Ben emphasizes the importance of context in interactions with children. Whether he's teaching a class or playing at the park, his approach varies based on the situation. In a teaching context, goals might include preserving a safe space, gathering attention around an idea, or ensuring everyone's inclusion. In more casual settings, it's about listening and discovering what interests the child. Ben finds that genuine curiosity and authentic connections are more effective than any sing-songy, insincere tone.
The Power of 'Yes, And'
The improv principle of "Yes, And" has influenced Ben's parenting, though he acknowledges it's not always applicable. "Yes, And" encourages acceptance and building on what others offer, but sometimes, for safety and consistency, parents need to set boundaries. Ben finds it works better with older kids, where discussions about conduct and communication can benefit from this approach. He shares an example of balancing respect for his child's privacy with the need to protect them.
Balancing Safety and Agency
Parenting often involves balancing the need to protect children with giving them the agency to grow. Ben shares that this balance is a fundamental challenge, not just an improv question. He believes that while improv can support parenting, it's essential to acknowledge that sometimes parents will lose their temper or need to enforce rules strictly. He emphasizes the importance of unpacking these moments and learning from them.
The Journey of Letting Go
Ben's personal journey with improv coincided with significant changes in his family life, including his child's transition. Improv taught him to let go of the need to control outcomes and be present in the moment. This lesson was particularly valuable as he navigated his child's transition and his other child's struggles with addiction. Ben shares that letting go of control is an arduous but essential journey for parents.
Creating a Playful Home
Ben and his ex-wife, both professional actors, created an imaginative and playful home environment for their children. From pretend football games to Beauty and the Beast improvs, they encouraged creativity and playfulness. He believes that this playful approach helped his children become extraordinary listeners and companions. He emphasizes the importance of modeling presence and attentiveness for children.
Mindfulness and Emotional Awareness
Improv has also helped Lloyd develop mindfulness and emotional awareness. By being present and delaying emotional responses, he found he could handle challenging encounters more effectively. This mindfulness training, he believes, has been beneficial in both his personal and professional life. Ben shares that improv helped him avoid catastrophizing and stay present in difficult moments.
The Essential Lesson
If he could offer advice to his younger parenting self, it would be to let go of the need to control. Parenting is an arduous journey, but the essential lesson is to be present and accept the reality of each moment. This approach, he believes, leads to more meaningful and transformative experiences. Ben's mother, a practicing Buddhist, reminds us: "This very moment is always the occasion."
Conclusion
Ben's insights into parenting through the lens of improv offer valuable lessons for parents, caregivers, and educators. By treating children as equals, balancing safety and agency, and being present in the moment, we can create more authentic and playful connections with the kids in our lives.
You can learn more about Benjamin and his work at: www.bxlloyd.com