As parents and caregivers, we often find ourselves in situations that demand quick thinking, creativity, and adaptability—much like actors on a stage. Recently, I had the privilege of diving into a fascinating conversation with Declan King, a Dublin-based theater maker who specializes in children's theater and uses improvisation as both an art form and educational tool. Here’s what I learned about how embracing the principles of improv can revolutionize the way we interact with children.
A Playful Mindset
"Really, I feel like we're all very familiar with children playing. Right?" Declan points out early in our conversation. His belief is that interaction with kids should mimic the improvisational nature of play. Children don't just play to pass the time; they play to express, learn, and connect. Declan encourages us to approach interactions with children in the same playful manner. He elaborates, "The most ideal way we would like to improvise is with the relaxed nature of how a kid just plays...it's just responding."
Invitation without Expectation
One of the most profound insights from Declan's work is the art of "inviting engagement but not having a vested expectation in the outcome." This principle can be incredibly beneficial for parents. Declan emphasizes that "you can try and push it in the way you want or let go and say, okay, I want to go with what is of interest. Let's see what we can find in this."
By letting go of predetermined outcomes, we allow children to lead their journeys of exploration and learning. It’s about offering children a space to engage on their terms and respecting their autonomy in that process. "How do we engage them so that they engage us?" Declan asks, highlighting the importance of mutual interaction.
Supporting their Lead
Declan explains how to maintain this balance, stating, "It's important to follow what they're interested in. If you go up to a five-year-old and you have, that's, I dunno, a big old story about a dragon...they’re interested in the tiny little pebble that you said was the egg, and that's what they want to look at."
The concept here is simple yet powerful: Follow their gaze. Pay attention to what fascinates them and be ready to dive into that world, no matter how unexpected it may be.
Building Confidence through Play
Confidence and creativity often stem from play, and Declan has made it his mission to create environments where children feel seen and heard. "You’re offering yourself as, I'm a fun adult. I'm gonna be with you," he shares, distinguishing between simply playing a role and genuinely engaging.
Through improv, children learn that it's okay to make mistakes and take risks, fostering a sense of resilience and adaptability that is crucial as they grow.
Creating a Safe Space
While play and freedom are central, safety both physical and emotional—remains a priority. Declan advises making sure that "it's clear they know where [the boundaries] are, and again, not in a lecture way, in a fun way." Ensure children understand the rules as part of the game. If boundaries are crossed, there’s a gentle but firm way to address it without creating a backlash.
"It's just, look, I understand you're a child. You're gonna want to climb on this," Declan says, reminding caregivers that maintaining the mood can be as simple as a smile and eye contact, reinforcing, “I am not angry with you, we just can’t do that.”
Meeting Children Where They Are
Perhaps the most touching aspect of our conversation was Declan's emphasis on meeting children at their level. “Different types of children play different ways," he notes, advising caregivers to adapt their approach based on the child’s unique disposition.
For more reserved children, he suggests engaging them indirectly by showing interest in an object rather than direct attention, and letting the child decide in what way they are able to engage.
A Lesson in Resilience
Declan's conversation circles back to coping with unpredictability, a reality every parent knows. "It's the experience of being like, okay, breathe, this is just fun. There are no stakes here." His outlook encourages us to embrace the ebb and flow of parenting - a journey much like an unscripted play.
Final Thoughts
"How do I play with this, right?" Declan asks, encapsulating the heart of his approach. The key difference between an improv stage and life at home with kids is the realism children bring—it’s unscripted, genuine, and often unpredictable.
In engaging with children through this improv lens, we embody flexibility, patience, and humor. We gain the chance to nurture not only their creativity but also ours. As Declan insightfully puts it, "Let's face it, they're children. We can make an adult's decision to go and be a little bit silly and then, you know, something will happen."
The lessons of improv remind us that life's most rewarding scenes unfold when we let go of the script and simply embrace the magic of now.